My liver just broke up with me...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
