I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
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I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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