Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
