yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
