He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
