I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
