bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
