Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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