He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
