needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
