theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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