afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
