The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.