Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.