Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog