Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.