I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she told me i tasted like america
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying