he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
