she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
