Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
