He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
