So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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