I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
