Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
