im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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