quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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