I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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