Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
