i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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