Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize