i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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