SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She's like a pop up book from hell.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point