it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people