We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.