He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast