You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH