i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .