I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
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Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.