I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize