Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
