What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
