His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
its liver damage thursday
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
