no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
