I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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