so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
