Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
