and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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