She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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