These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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