You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
