ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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