alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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