First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
