An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have aggressive nipples.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
