oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
