i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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