I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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