so that wasnt chicken after all
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
