i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
