Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
