I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i was born a porn star she said
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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