I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
