good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
