we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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