Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
And then he peed in my hair
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