my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
