"it" just moved
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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