if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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