i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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