Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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