The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
