so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
