im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
