I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize